Already Dropped the Ball

I had promised myself that I would faithfully blog- at least every couple of days. Then just like everyone else, life happened. My oldest son just left for college. All of his life, I have prepared him for this. We come from such a small town, and I wanted him to experience college life. So he left his hometown of maybe 3500 (his graduating class had 73) to go to a college with 37,000 students. Since he is going to play football, he had to go out for the summer 2 session. That has turned out to be a blessing because there are a lot less students there, and he is getting a good adjustment time. Hopefully, he is adjusting better than his mom because I am struggling with this. I am a time bomb that can burst into tears at anytime. The bottom line- I miss him. I miss him like crazy!! He’s not just my son; he’s my friend- and my circle of friends is very small. At first I felt guilty for the way I was acting (Never cried in front of him- I always put on the brave face). I’ve discovered that I when I react extremely emotionally to something I always justify why I DON’T have a reason to act that way. You know good ole self talk “You really shouldn’t be mad, they didn’t do it on purpose.” or “People have had tragedies strike their family, and here you are balling because your son left for college.” But this time, I let myself own it. Yes, my son left and I should be happy. And I am- I’m happy for him and proud of him. But you know what? I miss him- more than I ever thought possible. My house feels empty, and I am lost. So when I want to cry, I’m going to cry (just not in front of him). Yes, people are in much worse situations, but my heart hurts. We prayed that he would get into the school he wanted, and we prayed that he would get to play football. God gave us everything we asked for, and now I’m praying for the strength to let him spread his wings!

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