In light of everything that has gone on this week, I have found myself pondering the state of marriage. Why do some marriages work and others don’t? Is there a secret that only a chosen few know about? I have been happily married for twenty years, not perfectly married, but definitely happily. All marriages have rough spots, but how do some overcome the obstacles? To get a male and female point of view, I posed this question to my husband. “Why do you think we’ve made it?” After a long and interesting talk, here is what we came up with:
- Put the other person first- no matter what. Never put your own desires above your spouse. If you are currently unhappy in your marriage, give this a try. For three days do everything for the good of your spouse. Even if they aren’t doing the same for you. Each day find things you can do to make their life a little easier.
- Don’t think the grass is always greener. Often times the marriage that seems so perfect on the outside is a mess on the inside. Anyone can put on a good show, and no one knows how things are behind closed doors. Don’t constantly compare your spouse to someone else. Sometimes that thoughtful husband that brings his wife lunch everyday is really doing it because he doesn’t trust her since she ran around on him with someone from the office.
- It’s not about winning or being right. Sometimes you just let things go because it’s not worth it. We all hear the phrase pick your battles when it come to kids, well, it holds true for spouses. So what if what you told her would happen happened. Pointing it out doesn’t make you anymore right, and chances are she already knows it. Instead help her fix it.
- I know we’ve all heard it before, but communicate. You have to talk to each other and listen to each other. That is the only way you will work through them. Sometimes you will never work it out. Sometimes you just accept that you disagree or don’t see eye to eye. If it’s not something that rocks the very foundation of your relationship, just let it go. But don’t think the other person can read your mind, and don’t let things stew. Confront them head on and get past it.
- Understand that Satan wants nothing more than to destroy your marriage. Everyday he is working to drive a wedge between you and your spouse so everyday you have to work harder than he is to keep it together. He can take the smallest seed of doubt or resentment and tear a marriage apart. You must acknowledge that the battle is very real and you have to fight for your family. Never say “that won’t happen to us” because he will make it his job to see that it does.
- Take your tips from God’s Word. He is very specific about the relationship between a husband and wife. The world wants to take His words and twist them to convince women they are lesser than men and men they are superior. Matter of fact, I think we’ll talk about that at a later time. But if a wife allows her husband to be head of household and a husband loves his wife like Christ loved the church- it will cover a multitude of marital issues.
- Love each other! Truly deeply passionately!!! Each day wake up thankful that God has sent this person into your life and remember how much love and excitement you felt the day you were married. Take the time to hug, kiss and truly appreciate the gift God has given you.
There are so many more things we could talk about, but this is a starting point. Never take your spouse or marriage for granted. Remember that once they were the one thing you didn’t think you could live without!